Phone dropped from her hand….it seemed like a paralysis have caught her. All her energy was frozen and she wasn’t able to breath. The nurse on phone was telling her that he was battling his life. She don’t know how she made it to the car, on her way to the hospital scenes were rolling in front of her eyes…he left for the office in the morning with a completely fresh mood. He told her to wait for him, they will have dinner at her favorite place. She didn’t know what was going on in his mind….
She reached to emergency counter in a rush, they told her that he has done this deliberately. They say that he has shot himself….But how could he do that? He was totally fine in the morning. And then her mind choked her with a flash of clues she missed. She missed the fresh and satisfied smile after a long time, she missed the usual but a long goodbye hug, she missed the coffee he made for her. She missed the clues and now her train of thoughts was pulling her to the moment when she heard him crying and begging his mom to help him saving his relationship. And at that time, she got offended and backlashed him for not being a man. That she hates him for being this weak and emotional like a girl. She never appreciated his feelings, she never listened to his stories he wanted to share only with her. Sounds of life supporting machine was reminding her of his previous try for taking his life, and she called it attention seeking….
Yes, he was seeking attention but for some love and care. Not because he was weak or emo, but because he wanted to come out of the shell (the gender role shell). Because he wanted to be himself at least with her. He wanted the world to know that she is his pride and she called it an inferiority complex. He loved to play with their daughter and she named it immaturity. And now he is making his last effort to make her happy…..
You got it right, this article is not about the woman but a man. Don’t you think a man before being a man is a human being? But I think our society has limited it to only be a ‘man’ at any cost. It is so easy for us to label a man ‘weak’, ‘mama’s boy’ or ‘boys don’t’ for the good of nothing. Why? I want to raise some questions. What makes a man ‘less man’? And what makes a man ‘more man’? Have we ever thought about why a man’s voice is raised on people around him? Why men die from heart attack? Why men’s first suicide attempt in 98% of the cases is successful? Because the disappointment is too intense, it too dark around when there is no one agreeing to accept them as humans. Feelings & emotions are always associated with women, are men ‘robots’? don’t they have feelings? If they do, then why is it so sinful to express? Why all the time man has to be strong for his family? Why can’t family accept him with his softer side?
In my previous articles, I have talked about love and kindness. We expect love and kindness from men, but we do not give them a little share of the same. We appreciate kind men, but we do not give them space to be themselves. When as a society, we reject their feelings of hurt, they eventually forget to feel love. And then, it’s us again who call them cruel, coward and sometimes a lot more than this. Today, I would like my audience to think about accepting men as a human being and dealing with their broken side with love and care or maybe only a little space to be given would be enough. We often talk about ‘gentlemen’ but we don’t accept their gentleness. In today’s world when its feminism era, let’s talk about equality in terms of emotions and feelings….
By Sana Fatima
Sana Fatima is a seasoned clinical psychologist, internationally certified and faculty member of Greenwich University and Bahria University. Running her own entrepreneurial venture with the name of The Mitigators. Sana is a qualified hypnotherapy practitioner and also certified in Humanistic Integrative Counseling from CPPD and worked for one of the top NGO. Sana is a registered member of PACP, Pakistan Association of Clinical Psychologists and has expertise in the areas of marital, personal and career counseling.